Can we all just agree to stop treating bisexuals and straight people that enjoy bisexual porn like confused children and start respecting the “B”?
Right. So bisexuality gets a bad rap. From all angles. It takes it from the straight communities, and the gay communities. Which, when looked at superficially with a degree of dark humor, there’s definitely a joke there— but the reality of the situation is that bisexuality isn’t a choice, and bisexuals aren’t necessarily promiscuous. End rant.
While there are definitely some distinct differences between bisexual tendencies and bisexual identities (because what straight guy hasn’t considered engaging in a bisexual threesome and make his bisexual porn fantasies come true?), tendencies, actions, and identity are all parts of human sexuality that create a whole— and oftentimes are difficult to tease apart. However, lumping them all together to create comfortable stereotypes that we can all jump on our digital soapboxes about, really only serves to narrow our own avenues of sexual freedom. Particularly in the realms of fantasy, exploration, trust, and confidence. So maybe we should stop chastising the bisexual community and start to take a closer look at what they’re proposing— which is sexuality is fluid, and that is perfectly fine.
Bisexual Porn Gets it Wrong
Source: healthline.com
Understanding the difference between bisexual tendencies and bisexuality can be a fairly confusing premise to navigate. But then again, so can sexuality in and of itself. Gay, straight, bi, pan, whatever, sexuality is a multifaceted, fluid, and wildly dynamic function of our bodies and minds, which makes it decidedly difficult for those of us who love neat labels and pretty little boxes. Viewing porn makes it even more maddeningly difficult.
A large number of both hetero men and women indulge in gay and bisexual porn, and this can be proved if we dig into data from porn sites like Porndoe but this genuinely doesn’t change their inherent sexualities. Just like a number of straight people engage in alternative sexual habits and fetishes (a shocking number of guys enjoy being pegged), but this also doesn’t change their inherent sexuality. Just because you like getting your prostate stroked, or enjoy seeing two beautiful women going at it on screen, does not define your sexuality: merely begins to outline your sexual preferences.
So choosing to label someone based on their porn preferences is largely just as deleterious as choosing to label someone’s sexual proclivities based on their identified sexuality. Which is where porn, and an uncomfortably large portion of the globe, get bisexuality really, really wrong. It’s a fairly well-laid out trope that bisexuals in pornography are whores. Slutty, salacious, individuals happily filling themselves with whatever passes their way. But really, that’s basically porn in general. Pornography wouldn’t really be pornography if it all centered around monogamous couples pounding out their exclusive love for one another. Which is why you regularly see the pool boy, lonely housewife, and out and proud bisexual unicorn that can’t keep it in their pants, regularly enter into the skin flick.
Policing Women’s Sexuality
Source: pexels.com
In porn, roughly no one is monogamous, that´s the reason why bisexual threesome is such a popular category in this industry And if they are, chances are it’s a male lead that just gets bamboozled and overwhelmed by a harem of sex-hungry women. Which is an understandable fantasy, but something that continues to push a negative view of women’s sexuality. One that suggests that any multi-sex partnered woman is a slut, and any dude that sleeps around is a king.
This stigma becomes even more palpable and dangerous in bisexuality. 5.5% of American women identify as bisexual, with nearly 17% admitting that they are often attracted to both sexes, whether or not they act on these impulses. While only 2% and 5.8% of males identify in the same way, respectively. Which means that women are far more likely to be bisexual than men. So, when we paint bisexuality as greedy, non-monogamous, or “just a phase”— suddenly we’re back to square one, unfairly policing women’s sexuality and suggesting that sexuality is in fact a choice to be made.
Both of which are ideas that we know to be wrong. Women should not be policed sexually. They should be allowed to make the choices that they are comfortable making, at the time they are comfortable making them, and suffer no further repercussions than the ones they feel are necessary. We also know that sexuality is not a choice. But instead, something we are born with, that grows and changes alongside our brains and bodies.
Problematic Attitudes
Source: pexels.com
When thinking of bisexuality in terms of promiscuity, it does a genuine disservice not only to the person in question, but also to ourselves, should we choose to engage in a relationship with this person, or one like them. Bisexuals are just as capable as being in monogamous and loving relationships as someone who is into heavy people can engage in a healthy and happy relationship with a thin one. It doesn’t stop the person from being drawn to a certain physique or attributes, and it doesn’t dilute the legitimacy of their relationship.
Relationships happen. Largely inexplicably. Sometimes our “type” is not at all who we end up with. Sometimes we conceptualize our romantic future in a very specific way, and then find that that future unfolds instead in ways we could never have planned for. A bisexual person entering into a monogamous relationship with someone of an opposite gender in no way makes them straight. Or similarly, engaging in a relationship with the same gender doesn’t make them gay. They are still bisexual, they just found their partner in the person that they’re with.
Monogamy is as much of a choice as any other type of romantic entanglement. It works really well for some people, and others have no interest in it. So even going as far as to paint monogamy as the one true form a healthy and happy relationship can take is antiquated at best. At the end of the day, love is love, and if it’s not your love, it’s not wrong, and it’s certainly none of your business.
